* Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
* There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to
look
for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that
wrinkles
don't hurt.
* Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an
aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
* The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere ... and let the air out of their tires.
* Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment
is
due.
* Families are like fudge.... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
* Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
* Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
* Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
* My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
* One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.
* If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
* Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need
baby-sitters
and too young to borrow the family car.
* Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse
can
happen to you the rest of the day.
* You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and
wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
Words to live by!
* If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
* Oil spills give new meaning to the phrase "from sea to shining sea."
* Things are more like they are today than they ever have been before.
* The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.
* The next time you hear a sneeze in the kitchen, cancel that order for a
plate of nachos.
* It take a big man to cry... and an even bigger man to laugh at him.
* Two wrongs never make a right... except in Palatka on a Friday night
* As they say in the country, 'a bird in the hand... is fixin' to peck the
hell out of you, stupid!'
